For many people, the strongest fear is that to remain alone, the fear that no one will ever think about us. This fear often leads people to settle down with what they have at the moment , even when they actually would prefer to find someone or something better. This leads people to transform in this being that is constantly trying to accept reality as it is rather than looking for what they most starve for, whatever and whoever that might be. Clinging and attempting to get accustomed to things that they do not desire in the hope of one day starting to like them. This rarely happens.
For Sure in life you might need to choose between things but there is a difference in choosing and piloting our desires to something that we think of doable rather than something that we would actually like, this underwhelming of desires negatively effects ones health if not in the present then in the near future. (Arkar, H.,et 2004).
Loneliness is something strong and spreads just like an epidemic, specially in the world of individuals in their 20s the pain and social stress felt can be devastating.
Many individuals who are first experiencing adult life and the many stresses and anxieties that can come from the transition from adolescence to tax and insurance paying adults, can fell as outcasts and left out from something of importance, with the advent of a powerful social politics we can clearly see the desperation by some youngster to be part of something bigger than them something that might give a meaning to their lonely existence. This is no way uncommon stats from the Office for National Statistics clearly state that 10% of people aged 16 to 24 were “always or often” lonely making them the highest proportion of any age group surpassing people aged 65 and over by at least three folds. This indicates a serious problem that is running like a disease and in effect loneliness acts like a virus in fact is contagious, study, (Cacioppo, JT.et 2009), shows that participants are 50% more likely to fell alone if someone they are connected to is lonely too. This is because lonely people tend to have a more hostile behaviour thus push people away making them more lonely as well, it doesn’t stop here, loneliness will make you more socially stressed and make your body produce more Epstein-Barr virus antibodies, you’ll feel hungrier, and literally kill you with a increased risk of 26 % and a doubled risk for heart attack.
One would now ask so why are we speaking of loneliness now is it because of the current pandemic?
Well the answer might surprisingly frightening, data from the Office for National Statistics indicates that in Great Britain 5% of the people reported that they felt often or always lonely between the 3rd of April and the 3rd of May, this percentage is about the same as the pre-lockdown statistics. (Large, E. R.2020)
Then what are the reasons for the recently increasing loneliness pandemic, the first reason can be attributed to contagious loneliness, but another grave reason specially for young adults, is what you would expect the most, the Internet, the internet has lately become a blame for almost anything, it seems like this time the blame might be founded, it can be argued that the internet could be a big reason for self-isolation especially in the younger demographics, the place for active interactions has fallen down and been replaced by immediate low risk low energy investment social interactions. It can be argued that interactions now are far easier and less risky than they have ever been, so why is it that now more than ever the phenomena of loneliness ha taken the world by storm? (Whitty, M. T. 2007)
Inherent carachteristics of this disease, and the internet combined create a perfectly oiled machine of psychological destruction, it to take in consideration the ironic nature of social media and its functionalities as its publicized as a place for human interaction and eased social gathering. Social media has become a good example of cognitive dissonance.
What are the solutions then? There are many organizations put in place that can help people with overcoming or even just getting to know their loneliness, a great organization to mention is the “Campaign to End loneliness”, and from the psychological aspect a large number of intervention have ben designed to combat loneliness they can be summarized in a few points.
A response to this can be that instead of real life high investment relationships, people are choosing online relationships that can be considered “on demand” this can be applied to a variety of relationship types from romantic to friendly, the advent of social media and on demand porn is the reason according to many of the uncontrollable growth of a new species of unconnected humans, like in a vicious cycle the more lonely a person feels the more he or she will look for immediate and easy access for connection and online communities games and porn are as easy as reaching for your pocket. (Nowland. 2018), (Yoder, V. C 2005).
First, social support such as the help offered by professionals and counselling should be prioritized. Loneliness can be fought with increasing your opportunities for social interactions for example jumping in some opportunities to connect with people in groups activities, this might be easier if a person first works on its personal social skills and trying to actively engage in conversation can really help.
Last but not least changing ones approach from hostile and fearful of rejection to slowly more sensitive and welcoming, its not easy but a cold and hostile person will always have less chances of social interaction and will be more focused on the negative side of criticism.
Usually loneliness is a fundamentally short term feeling, experienced in a time of change of circumstances, lack of social abilities and opportunities or just being a little wired, these kind of loneliness usually goes away naturally as a person starts to form new meaningful relations and learn social skills.
So, if you often feel alone, do not despair you are not alone. (Evans, E. 2018).
Reference list:
- Arkar, H., Sari, Ö., & Fidaner, H. (2004, January). Relationships Between Quality of Life, Perceived Social Support, Social Network, And Loneliness in a Turkish Sample. In Yeni Symposium: psikiyatri, nöroloji ve davraniş bilimleri dergisi. Cerrahpasa Tip Fakultesi Psikiyatri Klinigi Vakfi.
- Cacioppo JT, Fowler JH, Christakis NA. Alone in the crowd: the structure and spread of loneliness in a large social network. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2009;97(6):977-991. doi:10.1037/a0016076
- Evans, E. (2018, April 09). Loneliness – What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely? Retrieved October 13, 2020, from https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-1
- Large, E. R. A. R. (2020, June 7). Coronavirus and loneliness, Great Britain – Office for National Statistics. http://Www.Ons.Gov.Uk. https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/bulletins/coronavirusandlonelinessgreatbritain/3aprilto3may2020
- Nowland, R., Necka, E. A., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2018). Loneliness and social internet use: pathways to reconnection in a digital world?. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 13(1), 70-87.
- Whitty, M. T., & McLaughlin, D. (2007). Online recreation: The relationship between loneliness, Internet self-efficacy and the use of the Internet for entertainment purposes. Computers in Human Behavior, 23(3), 1435-1446.
- Yoder, V. C., VIRDEN III, T. B., & Amin, K. (2005). Internet pornography and loneliness: An association?. Sexual addiction & compulsivity, 12(1), 19-44.
The Wrong Side of Time 